Well, I want it back, anyway. As part of Going Back To The World (as John Galt would have it) I have finally gone to the Dark Side and not only purchased a television but installed a satellite receiver.

Holy crap, Batman!

Now, I haven't had a TV since Jimmy Carter was president so I feel like the Highlander, traveling through time to arrive where he began and not recognizing the place from the photos. The whole SatTV thing is more than a little strange for a guy who hangs out on 40 meters conversing with people in Morse Code. XM rocks, I'll give you that, but music is music. TV is another universe, and it's changed a whole lot since my last data point.

Check this out:

Didn't MTV used to play music videos? And VH1 was like MTV Lite, right? I found VH1 and was confronted by a Maxim photo shoot with some stunningly attractive blonde in it, but no music. Not that I'm against blondes, or stunningly attractive (hot, hot hot!) but, dude, wheres the tunes? Ross in my office said I'm the Poster Child for the song "1985" by Bowling for Soup. I think Ross watches too much TV, and quietly made a note to find out WTF he was talking about.

My buds have been telling me to slow down for years, but is it possible that I've somehow approached C and the Fitzgerald Contraction made a decade or so slip by without any noticeable effect? It's kinda unnerving.

When did HBO turn into just another network? They make their own movies now? Damn. Sex and The City is old news, apparently, but man what a killer show. I'm thinking there's more to this than I suspected.

Then again --

The Food Network? How long can you talk about food? Eating is kinda like walking, which brings me to OLN. They have a show on walking. And cycling. And probably Breathing too, I just haven't seen it yet. How can anyone watch someone else having fun outside while sitting in a chair covered with Cheeto crumbs? My Fubar Meter pegs just thinking about it.

Going from off-grid to on-sat is like the jump to hyperspace in all the bad SciFi flicks: lights, colors, and a whooshing noise that's probably my credit card melting down. There's 200 channels of this crap. No wonder the level of discourse has dropped in our culture. I won't talk about Reality shows. Nope. Won't do it. Oh My God ...

I finally found South Park on comedy central, which I think may make up for it all, of course. Cartman rules. If there's a saving grace to TV wonderland it's gotta be Matt and Trey. What sick, sick puppies. Home at last ...